if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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