i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
