i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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