I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
