no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
