we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
