My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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