I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize