I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
