I'm drive I can fine osifer
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
