Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
