Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
