i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
