she sounds like chewbacca in bed
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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