I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
