do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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