I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
