a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
