Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize