It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i think i just lost a toe
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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