god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
