it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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