Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
