I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
