No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
