we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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