420 ftw
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize