Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
