a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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