Umm I'm too high to move.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
