My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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