if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
