I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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