I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
NoShamevember. You game?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
