I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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