My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
