I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
