Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
