Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
