Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
