I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
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