Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
