she was so not down for the gang bang
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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