am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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