sarcasm needs its own font
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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