Banned from zoo.
Again?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize