Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
