I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
