At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
