would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
