Capitaan dildo arrescate!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize