we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
