Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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