Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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