I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
