alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
