I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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