i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
