I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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