I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
