Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
