you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
