and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
