dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
