What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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