i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
