The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
