the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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