there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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