everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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