why didn't you poke me back
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
